the finale

The last day of my yoga retereat, I left the ashram around 3. I was taken back to the invisible bus station. As I wrote in the last 2 articles, I was a bit nervous about going back to the small town. My fear was betrayed. It turned out to be a Jewish neighborhood...well traditional one, you know. The street was filled with the Jewish in a black suit, hat and beard and sideburns. It was almost 90 degree outside, by the way. I was stunned and it was absolutely unpredictable. Even in a pizza place, the Jewish was working. I felt as if I were watching a movie or something. I am sure I was very outstanding there, waiting for the bus at invisible bus station. I was wondering if the bus ever found me. Then, here it was. The big bus appeared in a distance and I was jumping, waving my hands, shouting in my mind like, "let me get out of here." Surprisingly, all the way to Monticello, all the small towns passing by were the Jewish towns. I caught a scene where the Jewish kids were playing in a forest park with all the daddies with the black attire, all the mommies with a hair cap and classic one-piece dress. It was like the scene in a myth in ancient times. I wondered what is America? People emigrated from another continent, but what happened was that they were building up their own country all over again? "Where are we?" the bus driver said. "Yeah, right." The bus driver's cite woke me up from my feeling wonder. Then, everybody in the bus said to the driver with the name of the bus station. All right, his question had nothing to do with my thought. He was really asking exactly which bus station we were...what kind of bus driver by the way? Anyway, it was an interesting experience all the way. "Shflkl ajsd dkfdjf." ladies, the western people in the ashram who are dedicated an Indian god like Siva, the traditional Jewish in the forest, ponds like Monet’s water lilies painting, Macdonald, Burger King...nothing was merging together. All were separate from each other, and then we call this America. When the bus entered into the chaos again, I kept my experience in the hill in the ashram locked in my mind. I , in a way, found myself missing the city, to the point where all the ethnic cultures are slightly closer to each other. That, we call New York City.

tranquilty

After hustle and bustle of my travel, I finally got to the ashram. All I could see in my eyes was nothing but green. The rain stopped. The sun emerged from the thick clouds. The birds were singing. The winds were sighing and playing with the leaves of all the trees. The place was located in the hill, surrounded with the forest and the Catskill mountain ranges in a far distance. The panoramic view of the mountains was just marvelous. After leaving my bags in a small room, I was just happy, soaking myself into innocence of nature. Yes, that's all I wanted. At 4pm, the yoga class started in an outside facility. It was such a precious experience to do yoga, looking at the sky and mountain with music of the birds and winds. Here was the daily schedule, wake-up call at 5:30, a meditation and talk at 6 for 1.5 hours, yoga at 8 for 2 hours, brunch at 10:30, free time from 11 to 4, yoga at 4 for 2 hours again, dinner at 6:30 and the meditation and talk at 8 again. I stayed for two nights. It was $75 per night for a private room. So, it was a good deal indeed. Well, what I donÅft like about this kind of place, so-called new age or spiritual institution, are often people. People who are really into spirituality related things or one specific belief aren't really open minded: they act as if they were so special and different from so-called ordinary people who are really new to those fields. I am telling you this, as a person who experienced those type of places enough out of curiosity or feeling despair. As of the case, people in this ashram were not too open, which wasn't surprising. However, I wasn't there to meet people. I was there to be completely alone. Then, this place was perfect. In the glass field in the property, I was all alone with a book. I even sneaked to smoke a few cigarettes and had a piss without need to hide. (They were the sins that I made.) In fact, I somehow took advantage the place. I saw the sunrises and sets. I saw the blue sky filled with diamonds-like stars. I smelled the earth. My heart was really uplifted. My body was warmed up as well as cooled off. I need it desparelatly. I need to be rejuvenated from all the dramas that I went through last few months. I looked up the blue sky and could not stop thanking the innocence of nature. After 3days of my vacation, I was sort of ready for the siren of an ambulance, muggy and stinky air, walking and making my way around...? Well, there was no choice. One thing that I was concerned about though was to get back the small town to wait for the bus.... to be continued...again.

From babylon to...

Last weekend, I took a yoga and meditation retreat in Upstate in NY for 3 days, wanting to cleanse my body and spirit. Despite my genuine desire to go to somewhere peaceful, to get there was already stressful. From one of the most chaotic place in NY, Port Authority, I took an express bus to Monticello. The bus was full. A lady behind me was talking loud with her cell phone for a long time. Then, somebody was shouting at this lady to shut up. At Monticello, I changed into a local bus. The local bus was a funky ride. First, at a bus station in a gigantic food mall, Russian looking ladies were holding many shopping bags, which were full of foods. "Where are you going?" the bus driver asked. " Vbjdie sfiijf akjhdj kl." They spoke non-English. The driver asked the same question. Here again, "Dhe sdksjh akjdjh skkjf.." They were three ladies and talking to each other like a sparrow. The driver then raised up his voice. Still, all everybody in the bus could hear from them is "lsk fghjh skjkja kdjh." Somehow, they managed to settle, which took a while of course. I enjoyed a typical American scenery, which is the big road with MacDonald, Burger King, diners and National bank of America. Then, in the middle of nowhere on the street, in rains, Mexican guys sanded and waved their hands on the street. The bus stopped and they got in. Is this hitchhike bus or what? I was a bit worried. Anyway, in the bus, "ksjfid skd skds"and Spanish languages were on max volume. The bus was already taking a small road. The small towns looked very poor. I will say Rockaway in the forest version. Again, I was a bit concerned about where I was getting off. My intuition was right. I was dropped off in a small town. There was no bus stand. It was raining crazy. All shops were closed. (All? There were just only 5 shops.) My phone was not in service. There were no people on the street. The public phone was broken. Feeling freaked out, I was desperately running with a big knapsack to a gas station. I needed to call an ashram where I was staying to be picked up. I was soaked waiting for someone from the ashram. I felt as if I were an orphan like a story of "Anne of Green Gables." When the car arrived, I was jumping out of the gas station….the story will continue.

Making one goal

is such a big deal in Soccer. On the other hands, in the games of basketball, you see the goal almost every 5 seconds. When it comes to the soccer though, for about 2 hours, there are no goals sometimes. In my case, I am glued to TV screen, yet I have a bad fortune to miss the goals, like when I go to bathroom or look down to check something. What a misery.... As you all may know, watching the soccer can be just frustrating, breathtaking and heartbreaking. However, this is the sport that I can't stop loving. I always look down people who watch a baseball in a sports bar, yet for the soccer, I am the one in the sports bar and admire all the viewers. The world cup soccer 2006 was over yesterday, bringing the victory to Italy. Ever time I watched the games, I found myself losing a bit of my weight and sanity. I even ask myself why the soccer is so special? Why are so many people attracted this frustrating game? 1, the soccer has both aspects of the baseball and the basketball. The baseball is so systematic that it can be just boring. The basketball is too fast to watch and has too many goals. The soccer has a combination of the systematic plays and fast continuous actions. 2, the soccer is the only sport that handles a bowl without hands. Due to this restriction, it becomes very special. When the players pass around the bowl by only their legs or heads, it looks complicated but incredible beautiful and magical. I feel as if I were seeing an art. 3, the soccer is a psychological game. It depends on physicality, but also continuously immediate decisions, intuitive actions, deceptive trick, teamwork, individual role and play. 4, the soccer is like sex. As it is such a big deal to make just one goal, the moment players make the goal, it gives you just ecstasy or orgasm. To get to the point where the kicker make the goal, all the players have to set up the moment. When the finale: the goal comes, therefore, you can't hold yourself any longer. The only thing that I don't like about the soccer is PK. PK kills the point of the games. What was the players’ struggling and running around the field for 2 hours about then? It is all about the goalkeeper and his pressure becomes too heavy. So, yesterday, I was watching the final for the world cup at an Italian cafe with Italian fans. The game ended with the PK. Of course, I wasn't happy with the contents of the final game. The semi final was the most beautiful game for Italy. Anyway, all the way, I watched the games alone or with some people. I sometimes left the place with my angry face, because of the loss for a team I was for. For all day, I became cranky for the game that I watched. I jumped out off a chair and screamed at a café alone. Yep, it certainly made me emotional like a relationship. What did I get? Nothing. Yet, even after I become grumpy and nasty for the soccer, I will find myself going somewhere to start watching the game.

Be back!

I went to Canada to get the visa. I ended up waiting for more than 12 hours in Newark airport. My flight was cancelled and I was on a standby, which I could not get. I booked another flight in another airline in Laguardia airport. Half-hour later, I was about to head to the airport, yet it turned out that the flight was again cancelled. Then, I stayed to get the last flight. I was patient enough. Even in the airport, with a book, "The places that scare you," by Pema Chodoron, a Buddhist monk, I sat on the floor like a rock and tried to stay relaxed. However, when I heard the announcement of the delay on the flight, I almost screamed and broke something. GREAT. Everything seemed against me or my intention to stay in USA. I felt like going home and pack all the stuff and going back to my country. Having breakfast, lunch, dessert, dinner and lots of coffee in this airport, I was drained completely. When I arrived in Canada, it was already 1 am and everything was hidden in the darkness of the black night. Yet, all the negative feelings in a way were gone with relief. Yap, I forgot that I liked being in unknown place. In fact, for 2 days, I had fun, walking around the riverside, the national museum and small marches. The air was fresh and the greens brought easiness. The rains drops heal my mind. Sitting on the grass and listening to the sound of the winds, I felt something deeper than something: not easy to tell, but something deeper within myself. I assured that I didn't need to hold on to one place or one thing. For a month of June, I was physically in NY, yet not mentally, due to the visa situation. I felt as if I were homeless. That I could not sleep, that I cried over, that I ran around to ask for help, and all were over like bubbles. This experience made me tough and free. I saw the sunset over the Hudson river from Chelsea today, I felt I was back to NY. Commotion of the city was absent. Waiting for a bus, the elderly lady started talking to me, " It was beautiful sunset, wasn't it." " Yes, I was gazing at it actually. " “ Does it mean the end of the world?" " don't know, yet it could be better to have that day, perhaps?" We saw the sunset together until the bus came. The end of the world? Somehow, I am fine even with it. Why? Cause I can live anywhere in the universe where no paper is required. After saying good bye to this lady, I said to myself, " All right, I am really back to be in NY in the mean time!"