life is too short!

More than 15 thousands people died in China. Anything can happen in life. Tomorrow might not come. Life is completely unpredictable like the weather in NYC. Then, why am I so worried about my future, which doesn’t really exist? Why am I worried about how others see me? Why am I worried about so many small things in life? I just want to stop thinking. I just want to stop being serious. I just want to stop judging others and myself. I just want to stop analyzing or observing situations. I just want to stop reading self help books. I just want to stop reading people’s mind. I just want to stop being too nice. I just want to stop pretending. Why is it so hard to be myself? Why is it so hard to open myself? Life is already too much, so then I don’t want to add anything up any more. I want to dance with myself freely. I just want to be free from all the chains and strings tied up with my heart. Life is indeed too short to be serious about. From now on, I will smile at whatever comes across in life. Yes, it is miracle that I have been alive till now. I am not alone. Here, I have my best friend next to me, that is, myself who was always there and will be there forever. So let’s drop all that made me suffer and we shall dance!?

To be a princess

was my dream in my child hood. All the drawings from age 4 to 6, which my mom’d kept, were all about the princesses with lacy dresses. Some princesses accompanied a prince, and some even had a servant, always named "Peter." One thing in common with all the drawings was, needless to say, the princess with such variety of dresses. Even in the graduation drawing book from my kindergarten, "what do you want to be, when you become a grown-up?" there the princess was again, while others were more realistic, like "a policeman," "a doctor," "a florist," and so forth. Practical reasons free dream. This was not because I was pretty like the princess. I was far from the "prettiness" in what a girl or a princess was about. I was fully aware of my ugliness, thanks to a mirror. My eyes are not big, my nose was almost buried in my face and my body was out of the proportion: My head was just huge, compared to my skinny body. On tope of that, as I was sick a lot, my mom shaved my hair (not cut, but SHAVED!!) I absolutely looked like a monkey. Not only did I look like a boy, but also I was the top of a tomboy always hanging out with boys outside and made them cry even. There was no "fear," or "hesitation,” in my dictionary. Up until when I faced reality of the bitter world, I’d kept a wish in my heart for a slight chance that a miracle might happen one day. “I will be the princess with big eyes and nose, wearing a beautiful dress in a castle, when I am getting older!” I love myself in those times when I was once fully myself. Even though I was like the monkey, I was shining like the Sun, I was free like the wind, and I was light like a butterfly. I don’t remember every single detail, but I do remember feeling of those times. Like a golden light. The world where a dream means really a dream and there was no “must,” or “should.” The place where I go back, when I feel down.