Speaking of family,

My dad emailed me saying that he would get married with his girlfriend who was younger than me. For him, this would be the third marriage. One with my mom failed right after I was born. (I had not seen him for 30years.) The other with his second wife, a British dancer, also failed after 10 years' together. No kids between them. Then, now he is 67 or 68, still active in work as a cinematographer and apparently in romance. In fact, he has been dating girls who were younger than me for a quite while. Well, I have to say I was in shock this time. I wanted to say to him, "can you at least wait for me? I haven't had even one marriage-experience yet," which never was spoken. Then, I started wondering why he had to get married at this point of his life after living as a single guy for almost 3 decades. "Is he afraid of dying alone?" "Do they want to have a kid?" He said that this was genuine. OK, if this were genuine, wouldn't it be even unnecessary for them to get married? It is a just paper thing that differs their situation from before. It even makes me doubt that this is genuine. Am I too harsh, cynical or rigid? Well, I have to be. He gave up on me long time ago, being totally irresponsible. He could not accomplish both marriages. Even though I've started seeing him for a few years, I never felt close to him. After a long time separation, he showed up in my life out of blue. Yet, he hasn't paid so much attention to me. He does when I ask, but I don't really ask anyway. I am not the one who should make an effort to get closer. He should be the one. Otherwise, why did he show up in the first place?
I just want him to get that he made many mistakes on this matters. To get married is not certainly easy, especially if you have kids. It is a big thing. You are not alone anymore. Lots of compromises, disagreements, arguments, and fights are involved, which you are to conquer together. You are building up the bond and it will become an invisible castle, which nobody can break. It is almost like making art and that is beauty of having family. I never was in the moment when I wanted to marry. The reasons are: 1, I never felt that I was ready. 2, I never met anybody whom I wished for. Most importantly, I don't want my kid to be in my situation, so when it comes to marriage, I have been really careful in many ways.
Anyway, it took a while to get back to him. Although I congrates on it, I conveyed what I am writing here. I am not an evil. I just hope he has learnt the idea of marriage from his mistakes and complete this one as the last.

Family

Due to a spring break from work, I have been catching up with my dearest "family friends." These days, I was too preoccupied with work as well as work related meetings, dinner and hangouts. For a person who doesn't have family in the city, it IS precious to have them, which makes me feel rooted. So far, I saw 3 couples with kids. Each couple differs and keeps his own life style. Yet, one thing that each seems to share with is that all has some issues. (I don't want to reveal the details, since they are none of our biz and private.) What I respect is that all manages to maintain the relationship. Anyway, there would be no single couple in the whole world who doesn't have an issue. How many serious relationships did I have by now? "8. " None of them didn't work out and I have been single for 1 year. Even though I feel lonely once in a while, I have been embracing absolute freedom: I don’t have to cook when I don't want, I can sleep until I want, I can leave my clothing on the floor, I can watch silly TV programs without feeling guilty, I can be naked and dance at the same time, I can eat take-out food without putting it on the plate, I can leave a party without convincing the other or waiting and so forth. Do I sound pessimistic? In reality, I have to tell you, "these small things could lead a huge argument." I get so used to living alone that I can't imagine myself living with somebody. To be honnest, I am scared of showing my laziness or dullness. To keep a relationship alive is hard enough. When it comes to this "living-together-situation, I have no idea what it would be like or if I can deal with it in the first place. Yes, in the back of my head somewhere, I still dream about finding a guy for me and building up the relationship together though looking back at my past relationships and seeing my family-friends, my fantasy seems now too far to come true. I guess I am not ready yet. ( I never was.) In the mean time, to hang out with my family friends is just enough. I am grateful that I find my family in the city.