not a turkey, but my friend.

Today is Thanksgiving Day, and so? I don't know about it and don’t remember what I did on that day for last 3 years. I never really had a turkey and I am not crazy about it anyway. It is cold out there. I talked to a good friend of mine on the phone and found out that she was leaving NY for Spain next month. It was not surprising news, as she had been telling me that she would move back to St. Sebastian, if she passed the job interview that she'd had last summer. I am happy for her, as that is what she wants, but I feel sad at the same time. After hanging up the phone, I almost cried, missing her already. My good friend, Orvorkki, left for Finland last summer. Again, I had to say good-bye to one of my closest friend in NYC. Before, I traveled a lot and met a lot of people and separated in the end. Some are still connected, and some are not. One point of my life, I lost two friends forever. One died by leukemia and one killed herself at the same year. That year, I could not really deal with this eternal separation. " Why do I have to see new people, if I have to say good-bye to them sooner or later? I don’t want to live anymore then." I was depressed and sad, so I decided to take 10 days' meditation retreat course in Kyoto to calm myself down. I know of the philosophy that everything in life is fleeting in my brain, yet it is hard to really let things go. I guess that I was too vulnerable that time. All my life, however, I could meet beautiful and precious people, because I had traveled and I have been in NYC. I remembered all those memories of the people, even if I get disconnected now. Those memories are something intangible but precious that you can never buy with money. Plus, how can I deny and refuse the fact that seeing people is giving such pleasure and inspiration? No, I can't. When I was little, my dream was to simply see as many people as possible. Even though it is still hard to face separation, I still want to keep seeing new. Today is Thanksgiving Day. I will not remember what I am doing, but I will remember about the news that my close friend will leave NY for good.

Emergency

I attended a panel discussion of Gino Starada, a founder of a non profit organization, Emergency, and Howard Zinn, a historian and social activist regarding anti-war, which took place at Cooper Union University last Sunday. Founded in Italy in 1994, Emergency has been providing medical and surgical assistance to war victims mainly in the Middle And Near East. I am honestly ignorant of politics or political related issues and I never joined any antiwar movement. It is not because I am for a war, but because I sometimes feel that the air of those movements or campaigns can be similar to the concept of a war in a way. I don’t like demonstrators shouting and asking for peace on the streets, which is not peaceful at all. Plus, I never was for a war and never will be, which I think is a common sense. I don’t need to be educated by people for this matter. However, I attended this, as a lot of my friends are working for Emergency as volunteer stuffs. Strada introduced about Emergency and what they have been doing for a decade. It was shocking to know that majority of the victims of the wars are civilians and one third of them are children. He showed the pictures of victims who lost their arms, legs or eyes, which was absolutely painful to see. I felt angry with the fact that the victims were always civilians. I was impressed and touched though that Emergency people have been physically helping the victims providing the hospitals in the war zone. Especially after I saw peoples having spent 20 millions dollars for purchasing a piece of art ( ex. David Simith's sculpture...) in art auctions last week, I was moved by what they do. What if I am rich enough to afford multi million dollars of an artwork? Am I buying it or doing something good for the society? I will never be able to be that rich anyway, but I say I will do the latter. I was glad that I attended this lecture in the end. There are respectful people like these guys, or like Dalai Lama and Maria Theresa who are and were really serious about our world, who physically do and did something to improve our society. It is easy to call for peace, but hard to actually do. Anybody can criticize, but not many people execute. I am not ready for doing or saying big things. I don’t want to be hypocrite, as I need to be a peaceful person first. I have seen many people who try to do or say big things, but in reality, I caught them acting out with a small thing like being pushed by a stranger in the subway. The person who makes a strong appeal peace to the public has to first cultivate peace within self, otherwise it never be convincing. That is what I strongly believe. One thing that I regretted about this night was that I could not ask both discussants this question.... "If a stranger hit you on your cheek, how would you respond?" I hope the answer would be like this... "I will smile at him or her." PEACE WITHIN. That is the first thing that we can try to do for peace, but not easy. I tell ya.

Thoth: When tears become dyamonds

It was almost dark in Central park last Saturday. A beautiful opera singing caught me through the tunnel. I barely saw the back of a human figure at the other sides of the tunnel and I was led to the darkness with excitement. I walked in the tunnel from behind this perfomer. When I looked at this person, surprisingly, it was not "she," but "he." He was almost naked, putting on a native Indian-like costume. He was dancing and playing a violin at the same time, and singing both part of male and female parts. He stepped on the ground, which acted as a drum, and bells in his both ankles were echoing in the tunnel. On the ground, some meaning patterns were drawn and crystals were placed on them. Due to the strange warm wether for this season, his appearance and performance, the darkness of that time, and the smell of incense, I felt as if I were completely bewitched. I could not understand what language he was singing; yet his voices were beautiful and keen with a sense of sadness. I was absolutely struck by his miracle. I bought his DVD and watched it later. Here is this perfomer,Thoth's story. Having been born as a son of a black woman and Russian man, he had to suffer from the racism in the society. Plus, he had a hard time identifying himself between his black and white roots. At his young age, his father left. In his confusion, he closed his mind without knowing why he could not be accepted by the society. Then, he started living in his own imagination world where there was no segregation, where all humans with any skin colors lived together. He created the map, the language and the story of his peaceful world. That was all about his opera performance. Because of his struggle, I believe that he tapped into his inside and he could find the treasure or diamond within himself: his deep voice that can almost reach to the sky and his own music. I admire his courage to be really himself. Again, I was inspired and encouraged by his existence. I said “ again.” It is because stories of occasional encounters like Henry Darger, Tu-pac or Elizabeth Layton inspired and encouraged me for my 3-years in NY from time to time. I had wanted to go to Central park for a month, but never had a chance until last Saturday. It might have been his soul who was calling me. Always, something that catches my heart has the story behind. Here again.