a wake up call

My hands got swollen like a rotten peach with full pain and itchiness a while ago. Literally they looked as if they had been burnt. I could not sleep or do anything domestic for about 10 days. My whole body could not function at all, neither could my spirit. I have been suffering from a kind of an autoimmune disease, called palm plantar pustulosis on my hands for over a decade, yet my hands had never gotten THAT worse. I'd been refused to go to a western doctor, as I knew that I would be given steroid without tell me the cause of the problem or what so ever. As I fully expected, that's exactly what the doctor gave the other day. Now, I have been on the worst drug, steroid, and have not been able to sleep at night because of it. Scarely enough, within 3 days, my hands looked completely back to normal, yet it doesn't mean that I was cured. Anyhow, it is true that I temporally came out of the hell. Any illness, needless to say, is strongly related to one' mind set anyway and the body is giving a sign to wake up. In my case, I don’t know where to begin, but I made my mind in such a hurry. From a small thing like washing dishes to something rather serious like finishing a review for an art exhibition, my focus was just on the finishing point and didn’t enjoy the process. I felt stressed with something undone. I didn’t breath. I was absent and was restless at the same time. Plus, that state of mind led me to the point where I got annoyed with such stupid things like people getting in my way, car's honk, someone's shouting at someone, someone's bad mood and stuff like that. I became like a sponge to absorb anything coming across whether the matter was related to me or not. I need to learn how to take one thing at a time with full attention and relax with undone. Occasionally, I have to put on an invisible warm jacket to protect myself from the outer world. It is not the world to blame; it is about how to cope with oneself and the world. Instead of reacting the external factors, I would like to find myself relaxing in the middle of commotion. Instead of getting stressed with undone, I would like to find myself enjoying the process of one act. I stopped smoking for good. Now, it is a time to breath in and out deeply. I might forget to breath again, but will not blame myself. I will take it easy as everything is in the process. Nothing or nobody to blame, but be gentle with myself. In the end, it is a nice wake up call.