missing home

I came back from Japan last Monday. Besides the fact that I had a good time there, somehow I feel a bit lost now. I cannot still believe that I was in Tokyo... until 2 days ago, I was in the different air, smell, and sound. It is amazing that 13 hours of the flight could put me in such entirely different worlds. One might say, " Come on! You just came back from the trip. It is natural that you feel strange." Right, yet going back to hometown differs from some trips where nothing could be familiar to one's eyes, doesn't it? My base has been in NY, but Tokyo where I was brought up is also my home as well. The moment I opened the door of my house in Tokyo, I could naturally accommodate myself. Without opening my eyes, I, for instance, knew where towels or toothbrushes or cups were. Everything around me in Tokyo hasn't really changed. At the same time, I had to admit again that I could not fit myself in the society of Japan. I was a stranger even in the familiar surroundings. On the contrary, though I belong to NY at the moment, I am not sure if the city is ever my home. Then, the question is raised up. "What defines home? Profession? Family? Friends? Familiar buildings? " "Which city do I really belong to, the city where my dearest mother and my friends live, but I can't find a way to fit in, or the city where I put so much energy on accomplishing my career, but not many close friends live?" I don't know the answer. Perhaps, I may be just missing warmth in my hometown, which I cannot really find here. Home might not necessary be the place where one belongs to. Perhaps, home is in the deep center of oneself where everybody is coming from. The invisible place where we all can share love and nobody will not have to feel lonely or lost. In either case, I am still missing home.