"Close your eyes,

and tell me what do you feel secure about your self?" a friend of my friend whom I just met asked me the other night after I'd told her that I was really insecure when it came to romacne. I closed my eyes and thought about it for a while. It was easier to tell what I feel insecure about myself. After a few minuets of silence, I said to her, " Perhaps, my thoughts or how I feel. " "OK, then stay there for a while, and whenever you feel shaky or nervous, simply go back and stay," she smiled at me. I didn't know exactly where to be. They are not some random thoughts in everyday life. They are some thought, like the articles in my blog, when I am deeply thinking or analyzing in general. The thoughts are ultimately connected to how I see from my eyes and hear from my ears. I wonder though if these are coming from my upbringing or culture or the educations or experiences? If one's thoughts are all originated from those only, then they would be limited.
When I was around 26, I was suffering from major depression, feeling lost. I thought and thought how I could get out of the hell or find real myself. I went all the way back to my childhood where I was really happy with myself. Then, I started sorting the things out like the things that I did to expect others and so forth. I didn't read any self-help book. I myself found the clue to get in touch with my soul. Some years later, I came across a psycology book, which talked about how you find yourself. There, it talked about exactly what I did for myself. I cried in happiness. It confirmed that I wasn't so wrong. It proved me that I was not only the one who felt the way I did. These thoughts came not really from me. I rather feel that they come from the same place where I and we were born. Then, when I closed my eyes again, more and more, I felt secure. More and more I felt like staying there. The practice has been helpful since then. I feel protected and warm, whenever I close my eyes. Almost, I could feel that nothing matters at the end of the day. Well, not quite there yet to be honnest, but will get there.