What if?

Well, I talked about me being an observer yesterday; so let me explain it much deeper. Once in a while, I stop, as these thoughts or assumptions come to my mind. " What if what I have been experiencing is just illusion or a big joke?" " What if I wake up and find myself in a total different planet?" " What if the earth explodes right now and right here? " It may sound stupid, but I am serious. If we are not capable of answering even by now the universal mystery: the question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg, you cannot completely deny all those what-ifs. Then, those what-ifs lead me to wonder, " What's the point of me being too serious about life anyway? All the struggles, sorrows, conflicts with others, aspiration, desire have no meaning to me. Here, the feeling of " what-so-ever, “ gives me both pessimistic and optimistic perspectives. I feel like being a monk, which is apparently extreme point of view. As the optimistic side, I see life as a theater. In other words, I can be anyone and do anything. So, I stop, wonder, imagine, think and feel either depressed or energetic. Always the order is same. What are sure and consistent are that those undeniable what-ifs certainly give me a sense of objectivity. Even in the middle of my emotional upheaval, 1% of myself, quietly and coolly, is there to observe 99% of uncontrolled myself. Do all have this kind of experience? Sometimes, I feel a bit sad about the fact that I can't be fully in all the happenings and all my emotions. However, I will leave a space in my mind for those what-ifs as a hope to be able to know unknown. Otherwise, life could be too much.