an observer

I often find myself an observer rather than a participant. I am not sure if this is originated from the culture, or my upbringing, or simply my nature. Is that good or bad? Yes, it's good sometimes, as it allows me to see the whole scene or situation in an objective way. Yet, it’s bad sometimes, as I feel isolated. Last night, Mr. 99, the publisher as well as my friend, took me to an after party of a XX gallery opening. So as of the case, I was fully the observer. The party was held at a collector's house in the Upper West Side. The apartment was on the high-floor in a hip high-rise building. Paintings were filled with the almost entire walls and sculptures were placed everywhere, but I shall say that the taste was horrible.... I was rather drawn to the view of Manhattan from the windows. In fact, Mr.99 and I were like tourists taking pictures of each other with the view, which nobody cared. People looked fancy of course. I didn’t feel belonged of course. After the speech of the artist and the owner of the gallery, they announced of the artist's daughter (looking like 8 or 9 years old) playing a violin. "Here it is," I thought.... If I had known about it, I would have brought ear caps. Everybody took seats ( I was wondering where the chairs came from...too many for one's apartment.) and sort of tense air was filled in the room. " Atchoo!" Here I was, I did it in the most tense and quiet moment of the night. "Right on time," Mr.99 laughed. I made my full effort to hold my laugh. After a while, I realized that she was unexpectedly great. Her violin was so tuneful and touching that I forgot about where I was. In front of fully decked-up adults, with her serious face, she played two tunes putting her full emotions. She was more shining than the jewels on the people, more beautiful than all the paintings on the wall. I can visualize the party scene still now, but what etched into my heart were the view of Manhattan and her violin. Well, this is the kind of party where I appreciate my skill to be an observer.