I've been taking

a 20 minutes meditation practice as my agenda every night for about 3 weeks or so. Well, morning is the best time according to my friend, but let's not be too idealistic and ambitious from the beginning, which will lead me nothing but a world of failure. So, no matter how sleepy or worn out I have been, I’ve forced myself to sit with a crossed leg position for 20 minutes. What do I do? Mostly, I let all my worries, concerns and memories take over. From a tiny matter like " Did I lock the door?" to a very serious concern which one never gets a real answer ever like" where is my life going?" All I have to do is to tell each thought, "let it go." "Oh, I kept forgetting buy a tooth froth." "Let it go." "My friend, XX hasn't replied to my email, did I say something wrong." "Ok, let it go." "I slept too much last night. Could I sleep tonight?" "Yes, let it go." "My mom is getting older...should I go back to Japan?" "Let it go." "What am I going to wear tomorrow?" "let it GO!" "Why am I so thinking all the time?" "LET IT GO!" So, 20 minutes, in fact, pass quickly with the full buzzing sirens-like thoughts, yet I can't sit for longer than that right now. Therefore, the other night, I just did beg myself or my thoughts to calm down. "Focus on my breath. Period! Get it? " Still, they are there in my, by the way, "where?" Ok, I try to locate them, my thoughts. Yes, where can they be from? From my brain? my head? my stomach? my heart? my legs??? WHERE?" Even, this question comes from where? I fell into feeling of confusion. Closing my eyes tight, in the black darkness, I scanned the entire parts of my body. It seemed to me they were coming from my upper part of my body, yet still unclear. A few minutes of the trial, I realized that it would be a stupid act to try to find where they were from, as they were intangible anyway. At the same time, I had to be re-astonished by what a human being is made of! We memorize, think, forget and feel aside from all those digestive movement everyday within our tiny bodies. Wow so much going on! Respect it, yes respect and honor!!!
Meditation is the way to be in touch with one true self, which is bigger than a body and mind. In many religious or spiritual books, you see this notion. I started as I was having a hard time to control my emotions and attachement. I’ve tried it on and off and never was consistent before. A long way to go, yet, my hope is only in an idea of meditation. Even just for 2o minutes of just being worried every night, I will keep doing as if I do a science experiment. So, from time to time, I will report how it goes here.