To the world...

I've started my blog since the summer 2005. I'm happy sometimes doing this, but mostly, I feel "I don't want to write!" Here is reality-- I ignore about the fact that there is a computer in my room as long as I could, then, another me laughs at me, "Are you going to give up on this? You never kept up anything in your whole life. Oh, you are such a loser." "Ok, ok you are right," so I force and drag myself to sit in front of the computer with a cup of coffee. Sipping a coffer, I stare at the computer, "----." a blank in my head and then, another sip, "----." an absolute blank. I am f---king frustrated with my English and topics to write about. Ok, about my English, yes the main reason to start my bog was to keep up with my English, after graduation of the university. Yet, I still don't know if I should put "a," or "the," for a certain noun or I should even put either one to begin with. I can't get along with energy of "a," "an," "the." Why do they exist? Oh my dearest friends, Mr. and Mrs. "prepositions," they are my enemy, often betraying me for their meanings. I still have to look into a dictionary to find a way to say what I want to say here, otherwise my English sounds very flat, emulation of simple "That-is-my-pen," kinda sentences. My English doesn't flow at all. “So, why not in your own language in the first place? “ Another me again. “ I just love English for no reason. Period.”
Then when it comes to the topics for my blog, well, it seems that I keep repeating the same thing over and over again. I start wondering if I ever learnt something during the course of these 3 years? Anything? I feel still a depressed and gloomy woman who just gets older. Then, why am I doing this? I am doing this nothing but out of obstinacy. Right, I never ever continued anything IÅfd decided to do and be consistent. Meditation, yoga, waking up early in the morning, an accent reduction class, acupuncture, and a Fula dance class, an African dance class, singing class and do forth. The only thing that IÅfvet never stopped is this blog, though I was going to write everyday, which is an unnatural and insane idea. So, only my determination of "I need to make a commitment to one thing once in my life” makes me sit here, squeezing something out of me.
Recently, I got a good feedback for the last article about Tokyo from a total stranger, which brought me much happiness. From time to time, I do get comments from my friends. Being able to know that there would be somebody in the world who would read my blog and feel close to me beyond age, sex, or nationality is incredibly uplifting, making me feel connected to the world… Hello! That's right, I love that. I love sharing with all anonymous. One day in the future, I will write something in a bigger scale to share universal feeling with all. (I said that now, wow then I will really have to do it.) By then, yes I will never stop this, even if I feel sick of it most of the time.