memory

When I say life is sad, I am considered as pessimistic and negative. I don't say life isn't beautiful. Moments of encountering people and things like art and music that inspire and touch my heart, seeing the beautiful sunset, sitting under swinging trees, looking up the blue sky, dancing freely, swimming in pristine ocean and so forth, all those, in fact, make life such precious. Yet, nothing is permanent. Living in these continuous momentary events, sometimes, I get overwhelmed by the fact that so many things are needed to let go in everyday basis. Not only the current memories but also painful or glory memories in my childhood are still deep inside of me. In Buddhism theory, it is said that we need to live in the moment and eternity is in the moment. Yet, the amounts of memories that need to be detached are certainly beyond my capacity right now. Form time to time, I have to come across a moment that the memories in the past that I thought I already let go actually are still in me. Confronting decay brings up a memory of days gone by even more. When I saw my mom getting older, all my childhood memories with my mom were vividly surfaced: Clear vision of her sitting at a bench in the park and seeing me exercising on horizontal bars, her back when she was cooking, warmth and softness of her hands when we were walking in the park. They are beautiful memories, but can't be touched ever again, which makes me feel sad. And, when I see a beautiful moment, the fact that it will be just one of the memories makes me feel sad. I do understand that is why life is beautiful. Yet, like salty water in the ocean, it is ,sometimes,eye-smarting.