It is raining

and so is my heart. My life is uncertain and shaky.
Right, changes entail fear. It should be a time to have a faith in myself, yet just foggy view in life brings me nothing but feeling of doubt.
It is like sailing alone in the middle of the vast ocean at night without seeing any loadstars.
Adding to this uncertainity, I'm falling for somebody in the middle of my move.
It was unexpected totally.

I'm not the kind who can't be falling for somebody easily.
There have been times when some guys hit on me, but when I am not interested in them, nothing can move me: I am like a huge rock.....
Then here I am. I got this feeling -- butterfly in my stomach. Why now and why him?
A big question mark has been hanging in front of my eyes.
Feeling attracted to certain people is still mystery to me.
Are we controlled by greater force? This random encounters have to do with what I did in my past life? then what had I done? Is it a test?
I was absolutely not ready to fall for somebody right now, but it happened and I can't change the past.

Today, I dropped everything. I didn't want to fight against myself and my feelings.
I faced all my negative feelings, fear, doubt, anger..... and let my tears come out.
I needed it, as i have been trying not to deal with them. If not now, in the near future.

However, interestingly enough, I received a special gift from one of my closest friends in Germany---- a message that I should keep writing, as he has been enjoying reading my blog and believes in talent in my writing.....
Yes, he is not only one who encouraged me to do so. Many followed. This is, in fact, a complement that makes me nothing but happy.

I was in the darkness, yet his message greatly lighted up my gloomy day and the dark blue of the ocean. Yes, life is unpredicted in many ways....