uncompleted
I'm listening to pumping up music and writing this in a total mess in my apartment right this moment. I've been starting packing for my move and found so many notebooks--a few in boxes that had never been open since I moved in, a few in between of books, a few in my handbags, a few in a kitchen, a few in drawers...on and on. Right, I am kind of an ADD type and kind of people who read 3 to 4 different books at the same time and never finish unless the books were super engaging. Having said that, you might easily imagine my "notebooks situation." A few notebooks seemed to be initially served as word-books, which new English words to memorize were written, then after a few pages, all of sudden, a sentence like, "it is rainy and cold today, I feel miserable..." appears, then after a several pages, there is the list of the things need to be done. In another one, there are people's phone numbers and my account name and pass word for the bank account, the internet, or frequent flyer program, then out of blue in the middle of the white space, here it goes again, " why I can't love myself? blur blur blur?" I have more than 10 of such mysterious notebooks and all the notebooks is unfinished with lots of blank pages left. Interesting enough, in all those diary-looking pages, I could not find any lines like, "Wow, I am super happy!" I guess that is the nature of a diary? --- Poeple write when they are down? Or is that only me?
Anyhow, I really don't know what to do with those notebooks. They don't really serve the initial purpose as wordbooks or address books. Surely, they can't be used as a diary, as I am absolutely not a "write-a-diary-everyday" person.
Now, what? Pathetic? Looking at the unfinished collection of my notebooks in the mess with loud music, I ponder if I were really an uncompleted person. I am leaving NYC in the summer for a while to sort things out, independently work and start a new chapter of my life. This decision is like my notebooks? My life is indeed consisted of a series of different adventures--Traveling around, living in many different places (Sydney, Hawaii, a remote island in Japan and NYC), moving around within Tokyo and NYC so many times, changing professions too many many times. There has been no consistency in my life what so ever. (I once was like a hippie and now I am a gallerian....make no sense?)
If I could complete one of my notebooks, would I be able to figure out a way to integrate all the aspects of my life?
Oh Well, at least, before then, I’m going to have to need to finish one of my notebooks.
Anyhow, I really don't know what to do with those notebooks. They don't really serve the initial purpose as wordbooks or address books. Surely, they can't be used as a diary, as I am absolutely not a "write-a-diary-everyday" person.
Now, what? Pathetic? Looking at the unfinished collection of my notebooks in the mess with loud music, I ponder if I were really an uncompleted person. I am leaving NYC in the summer for a while to sort things out, independently work and start a new chapter of my life. This decision is like my notebooks? My life is indeed consisted of a series of different adventures--Traveling around, living in many different places (Sydney, Hawaii, a remote island in Japan and NYC), moving around within Tokyo and NYC so many times, changing professions too many many times. There has been no consistency in my life what so ever. (I once was like a hippie and now I am a gallerian....make no sense?)
If I could complete one of my notebooks, would I be able to figure out a way to integrate all the aspects of my life?
Oh Well, at least, before then, I’m going to have to need to finish one of my notebooks.
posted by seeds at 11:45 PM
2 Comments:
I like you just the way you are! We all have uncompleted notebooks.
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